Should this mom pay grandma to babysit? A mom writes in asking for advice after her grandmother started to demand that she get paid $65 a week to watch her grandchild. The mom said it makes her mad, especially because her 5-year-old son is extremely well-behaved. Now she’s questioning if family members should be paid to babysit.
A member of the community asks:
“My 62-year-old grandma watches my 5-year-old son for two to four hours, three days a week while I work, and she DEMANDS I pay her $65/week. It makes me livid, he is not a hard child to watch. He’s the calmest, most independent child I’ve ever known honestly. He doesn’t throw tantrums or run around screaming. He’s very well behaved.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
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Community Advice for This Livid Mom Who Doesn’t Want to Pay Grandma to Babysit Her Son
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Fan QuestionShould family be paid to babysit?My grandma (62) watches my son (5) for 2-4 hours 3 days a week while I…
Posted by Mamas Uncut on Monday, November 18, 2019
Advice Summary
The general consensus in that, yes, the mom should be paying her grandmother and she should be grateful that she has a grandmother willing to watch her child for her. However, there were many people who felt that the grandmother should watch her grandchildren for free. Let’s take a look at some of the responses, shall we?
One commenter wrote, “Your grams needs some extra cash too. She is not obligated to watch your child. At least you know he is safe. She could be totally retired and not watching kids. Bless her soul and be grateful for her.”
Another person added, “Price different daycares in your area. Then kneel down before your grandma and shower her with the $65 PLUS a huge tip!” We think this is, generally, a good piece of advice: Explore how much childcare costs in your area, and see how much you’d be paying to send your child to daycare. Chances are, $65 a week is a straight-up bargain!
And one mom agreed, “My mother watched my son for the first year of his life, and we paid her $450 a month. We also supplied diapers, wipes, breast milk, bottles, snacks, and laundry detergent for the times that she might need to wash his bedding. Over the summer, my sister-in-law watched my 5-year-old daughter and 1-year-old son two days a week, and we paid her $100 a week for her time and energy. Why wouldn’t you pay someone who is devoting all that they are to the love and care of your child?”
Another user offered some advice from personal experience: “Okay l must chime in here. I left my career to help my son with his children. I am retired totally but would be employed still had this not happened. My son offered to pay me to care for his children 2,4, and 8 yrs old.l moved to the state he lives and we all live together.
She continued: “I would say honestly that all the money l receive goes right back into our household. He pays me because I would still be employed somewhere had l not moved here, bought a home, etc. In gram’s defense, yeah, you should pay her if she needs it. If she is in a financial position to not need the supplemental income then she would undoubtedly do it for free. Just saying.”
A grandmother chimed in saying, “Grandma here: NO WAY would I make them pay me to watch my grandkids! I watch them several days a week as both parents work full time. I’m just happy and grateful to be able to do this for them and help them out.”
Another grandmother shared her experiences: “I think it’s personal choice tbh, I look after my granddaughter one day a week either I stay at my daughter’s overnight or my granddaughter stays with me. I could never charge my daughter to look after my granddaughter. I see it as a bonus.
“I would never off coped without my mum and dad when mine were little without their help with childcare they would never take a penny off me so I used to buy them treats by way of saying thank you. My wonderful daughter does the same, I just feel my grandchildren are a blessing and I just couldn’t charge any of my children to look after such precious gifts,” she continued.
This Grandma offered some interesting perspective, saying that though she used to watch her grandson for free, she eventually had to ask to be paid: “I was a Grandma in the same situation. I had no choice but to ask to be paid to look after my Grandson. I used to do it for free but then I had to choose either to go back to work full time or be paid to care for my Grandson. I would point out that I did eventually go back to work anyway and now happily babysit (free) when needed.”
This mom feels that what grandparents do isn’t technically babysitting, and therefore they need not be paid. “GRANDPARENTS DO NOT BABYSIT. They spend time with their grandchildren and shouldn’t have to be paid for that! I am blessed that my parents WANT to spend time with my daughter and do not expect to or want to be paid for that,” she said.
She continued: “Again.. GRANDPARENTS DO NOT BABYSIT! They make memories, they get to know. They do not babysit! Would I pay for childcare if needed? Absolutely. But my parents WANT to spend that time with their granddaughter! If you’re a grandparent and it is a “job” for you to spend time with your grandchildren, you’re doing it wrong.”
One mom brought up a good point about comparing the cost to outsourced childcare. “Would cost you more for child care. I’m so sick of using kids that take advantage of their now-aging parents; look after your own kid if he is so well behaved. He’s probably more well behaved because his grandmother raises him more than you.”
“Why don’t you look at this in a different light,” another commenter said. “You’re helping each other. You’re working to get income, your grandmother is helping you out by not paying hundreds of dollars a week. Plus you’re helping her with a little bit of income that might benefit her life. I see it as a win-win situation. Yes, as grandparents you’re meant to do things for love … paying her doesn’t mean she loves you or your grandchild any less. Everyone wants to benefit, but really is $65 dollars asking a lot? Help each other instead of looking at it as a paid job.”
Another user urged the OP to be generous, if possible, with the grandmother, and pointed out that $65 a week is a pretty good deal. “Yes you should be thankful for your grandmother and give her extra money if you can afford it. You only get one grandmother! Take care of her she is helping you out as well. 65 is a deal.”
“Those saying grandparents need to babysit for free are some entitled individuals,” another commenter added. “There’s a difference between babysitting and spending time with the grandparents. Don’t take advantage of them.” And that’s true: Spending time with kids is not the same thing as caring for them for an extended period of time! Something to keep in mind!
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Grandparents are entitled to a life of their own and to spend their time as they choose. They are not automatically obligated to be a babysitter or to babysit for free. I see too many situations where grandparents are taken advantage of and shown no thanks or appreciation for the things they do for others.
When you decide to become a parent, remember that doesn’t mean having a free babysitter.
As a grandparent, I have a life. Dear young mother: Here’s a heads up: We’re not little old people with gray hair stumbling along. We had social lives before it all got sidelined. Now, we’re enjoying hobbies we didn’t have time for before. We’re trying our hand at growing vegetables. Some for the first time, other’s of us resurrecting an old activity.
When I had mine, WE made the decision to have bills paid and for me stay home until school age. I cooked supper, we ate away from home once a week. WE drove used cars or those with payments we had factored in our budget before. WE didn’t go on weekend shopping marathons. WE sacrificed so I could be the primary care giver, nurture’er, first teacher, boo-boo kisser and primary rocker person.
So, there you have the difference and how we made it work.
Try the same formula.
Yes, staying home can be boring so read, read, read while baby naps. Learn a new skill. Learn to be a great cook.
So, now as to pay. If it’s an occasional “will you watch”? No. But if you expect me to side line my life because you became a mother I think I deserve to be compensated.