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Stress is as ubiquitous as ugly holiday sweaters this time of year. And given that women are twice as likely as men to develop anxiety, it's totally normal if you're feeling extra-anxious right about now. But just because you have a ton on your plate doesn't mean you have to feel overwhelmed. We know that creative and effective solutions to anxiety can come from anyone—whether a licensed Ph.D. or just a fellow woman who has been there, done that. So we polled real women and therapists for brilliant, real ways to deal with anxiety that actually work in all sorts of stressful situations You'll feel better in no time.
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“Imagery can be a very powerful way to reduce anxiety. Picture holding onto a balloon, then let it go and watch it float away. That visual image has an emotional tie that gives you a sense of distance from whatever is bothering you.” —Robert Leahy, Ph.D., director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York City
"When you feel yourself spiraling or the anxiety starts piling up, close your eyes and picture a giant red stop sign. I've found it really helpful—the visual piece of it helps you just lock it the f*ck up." -Dana L.
“Draw a line in your mind that goes from 0 to 100—with 100 being the absolute worst possible thing that could happen to you—and think about where you’d put the way you’re feeling right now on that scale. We tend to overreact and think things are a lot worse than they really are, especially when we’re in the moment. This technique helps you put things in perspective.” —Dr. Leahy
"I like to look around the room I'm in note (and say out loud) the things that I know to be real/constant, like a tree, a picture of a loved one, even something simple like a glass, or my shoes. It has been helpful to me!" -Katharine S.
Use Technology
"I listen to ASMR videos [videos designed to trigger your body's autonomous sensory meridian response, which creates a pleasant tingly feeling]... a bit different, but I find them really calming!" -Natalia B.
"Watching baby animal videos." -Amanda M.
"Never underestimate the healing power of Broadway musical/Disney clips on YouTube!" -Emily B.
"I downloaded the app Headspace when I went through a particular stressful time of transition, and it was amazing! Helped me train my brain, even just a little, to let anxious thoughts just pass on through my head without listening to them. It basically gets you to meditate once a day for ten days for ten minutes and also gives cool tips on perspective and how to manage stress and anxiety!" -Alex T.
Get Writing
“Jot down all of the things you’re anxious about—whether it’s an actual task or a worried thought. Don’t censor yourself! Then look at each item and ask yourself: Is there something I can do about this? Is it in my control? If not, scratch it out and move on to the ones you can. (Focusing on what you can control versus what you can’t reduces anxiety.) Prioritize whatever is left and make a plan of attack. It’s amazingly helpful! In fact, if I had to give one tip, this would be it.” —Nancy Molitor, Ph.D., clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University
"I write to-do lists: just getting it all out of my head and onto a piece of paper really helps me reduce the anxiety." -Komal P.
“If you find yourself lying in bed worrying about something, like your to-do list for the next day, get up and write it down. It helps offload your anxiety so it doesn’t keep eating away at you.” —Dr. Leahy
Do Something Else
“When I was divorcing my husband three years ago, I turned to Bikram yoga. It was a lifesaver in dealing with the wretched anxiety that comes with divorce. And it’s still my go-to stress reliever. It is so bloody hot that you can’t think about anything but getting through the 90 minutes—it completely takes your mind off everything else.” —Wendy B.
"Seriously: Have an orgasm. Whether solo or with someone, it's calming and a release and can refocus you or reconnect you with a person which often gets lost when overwhelmed and things snowball." -Shira S.
"I clean the toilet with a disposable wand. There's something about the act of seeing it "rain down" blue as I physically scrub away s@&t that is very relaxing." -Michele S.
“Deep breathing is great—taking 10 seconds each to inhale and exhale—but even just using good posture, sitting up very straight with your chest up and shoulders back can reduce anxiety.” —Dr. Molitor
"I read cookbooks. They're very orderly and soothing." -Grace F.
"I love watching my favorite action movies. It takes me completely out of my head and quiets the anxious thoughts." -Jessica B.
Get Support
"I call a trusted former colleague/mentor. There's one person I always turn to when things feel like they're exploding who can instantly bring calm and perspective and remind me I can tackle what's ahead!" -Dana C.
"I call my mom or sister. I find so much comfort in the wisdom and empathy of women." -Sarah M.
Have a Mantra
"I do a quick assessment of how much control I truly have over the situation. If it's beyond my control, I say to myself 'There's nothing more I can do.' If I have some sort of control I say 'I can handle this.' These little phrases have really helped me." -Catherine M.
"Focus on the present by asking 'what's my best in this moment?' Usually my anxiety comes from either thinking too much about the future or too much about the past. Pausing to focus on the 'now' is usually helpful in those moments." -Vanessa R.
"I get super stressed out very often and have tried many things, but last year I had 'this too shall pass' tattooed on my inner arm. It's been insanely helpful and gives me solace by reminding me all of the stress that I'm feeling isn't permanent! Obviously not for everyone, but I'm very happy I did it!" -Mandy C.
Reframe
“Stretch time and think, ‘How am I going to feel about this one day, one week, one month from now? Most of the time, you realize that how you’re feeling is going to evaporate pretty quickly.” —Dr. Leahy
"I think about times I've felt the same way, like I was never going to make a deadline or reach a goal, but did. It's all about believing you are capable, that you can and will get the shit done. And then you do!" -Tatiana H.
“Make an appointment with your misery. Set aside time during the day—say, 15 minutes at 3 P.M.—where you will address anything that’s making you anxious. It can help keep you from dwelling on negative thoughts, which only adds stress to your stress. And often, by the time your appointment rolls around, the power of that initial feeling will have eroded—which tells you that it wasn’t so important in the first place.” —Dr. Leahy
"Long term, it's helpful to look at whether there are things/people/thoughts/attitudes in your life that need to go. When I get overwhelmed, I think critically about whether I need to say 'no' to something." -Lyz K.
“Focus on what’s bugging you for 10 minutes straight. Keep repeating the same anxious thoughts through your head. Eventually, you’ll get so bored with it that it won’t bother you as much anymore. It’s like exposure therapy. You become used to that uncomfortable feeling and it loses its power.” —Dr. Leahy
