An Imgur user Youareprobablytoofragile posted a series of screenshots from his friend Kevin, who has been dealing with a lot of suspicious calls and texts ever since he got a new phone number. It seems that number once belonged to a young and attractive woman named Jaz, who worked as an escort. Going through numbers pretty quickly is probably part of the gig.
Kevin has been taking lemons and making lemonade, responding to texters looking for a night with Jaz by pitching his own services—as a car salesman.
It’s hard to tell which of these texts came first, but I’m hoping it’s this one, because it seems like Kevin is just randomly introducing the fact that he’s been working hard on his career for no reason, to which the mysterious Alan replies, “Your [sic] really busy with your escort career?”
The rest of his message to Jaz about wanting to see her if she has time is actually kind of sweet. She must be good at her job, just like Kevin, who responded, “Escort career… Eek! I think there’s a misunderstanding between us, Al. I’m an auto broker out of Scottsdale.”
He continues, “So, while I can’t help you slide into a rented escort, I CAN help you slide into an Explorer or E-Class of your very own and anything in between! Keep me in mind if you need THAT kind of ride going forward.”
To Alan’s credit, he takes it in good stride, texting back, “Lol. Sorry brother. That’s funny sh*t. Have a great day.”
Sweet guy. I’m a little sad he can’t find his Jaz,
In another message with a Jaz seeker, he is told that the number was posted on EM or “Erotic Monkey.” Kevin writes, “I thought EM might be European Motors or something like that. I’m a used car salesman.”
He then jokes a bit about Jaz’s vagina, which I don’t love, but I do respect the hustle: he is really trying to sell people the luxury vehicles of their dreams.
He also got a couple of calls from another number and the message was looking for Jaz. Kevin promised that like Jaz, he aims to please. To please put you in a used car, today!
This is a man who knows an opportunity when he sees it. Sell what you got, folks, even if it’s just a crappy lot full of used cars.
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- Everybody Sexts, But Not Everybody Is Good At It (20 Unusual Sexts)
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