It’s definitely not healthy to revolve your personality around how to get more people to like you.
By sacrificing parts of yourself to become more likable, you probably lose cool parts of your personality. We’re not suggesting you do anything like that.
In a video series by TikTok influencer @raquelolsson, she shares ways to make yourself more likable.
Her series is called “Things that make you less likable than you think,” but it could just as easily be called, “Things you might be doing that make you seem like kind of an a**hole.”
In her series, she discusses things people do when socializing that they might not notice. Many of these are really easy mistakes to make when you’re excited about talking to someone or just a little anxious.
Raquel is a creator on TikTok and former newscaster, who has amassed over 1.8 million followers on the platform. She says her mission as a creator is to “create better communication and understanding of oneself and others through discovering our own hidden potentials.”
Here are some of her informative tips on how to be more likable (Scroll to the bottom for full video):
1. Humblebragging.
“A Harvard study showed that humblebragging is more annoying than boasting. Believe it or not, it still happens. We’ve just gotten extra good at it by now. Half of social media is pretty much humblebragging. Showing off in the form of self-deprecation is really transparent by now. Letting your accomplishments speak for themselves or your character reveal itself over time, is a lot more convincing, impressive, and attractive. Or just be direct about what you’re proud about. That’s also likeable, in a different way.”
2. Oversharing too soon.
“People do this in an attempt to be authentic, honest, and to build a stronger bond. The key is timing. Disclosing personal things too soon can make someone feel uncomfortable because it’s almost like you’re emotionally dumping. It doesn’t feel earned and can come across as slightly unhinged. Instead, open up over time. That’s when it becomes effective.”
3. One-upping.
“Responding to every single statement with a personal story comes across self-centered. Sometimes people do this unintentionally to try to find some common ground with someone, but it actually ends up cutting the conversation short. Letting people have their moment when they tell a story is a lot more likable. Practice active listening, which means responding with empathetic questions like “That’s so cool, how did you like that?”, then following up with your related experiences.”
4. Toxic positivity.
“Of course we all know the benefits of a positive attitude. There is nothing wrong with having one. But sometimes supporting someone means validating what they’re going through, and acknowledging that it’s tough. Otherwise, it’s easy to suppress, mask, or even make someone feel guilty for their negative experiences. Instead, reassuring someone that it’s okay not to be okay and asking them how you can actually help is more effective and authentic.”
5. Unsolicited advice.
“Coming from someone who gives advice all the time, I had to learn to tone it down. Obviously, the intention behind the advice is mostly genuine in trying to help people. But sometimes it can come across as controlling or intrusive. Or it can be driven by an underlying desire to create a sense of self-worth by influencing the actions of others. A study found that people with a high tendency to seek power were more likely to give advice. So, I’ve learned to ask myself first, before I give my two cents to someone, whether or not that person is actually receptive in that place and time. Or I just straight up ask them first “Do you want my advice?”. And I remember to not judge or overidentify with their situation.”
She also shared ways to be more likable:
Spread gossip that’s positive.
“Talking about someone behind their back in a positive light shows that you’re secure with yourself and you have good intentions. It increases the likelihood that people will trust you and confide in you. And also, the positive traits that you speak about someone else are subconsciously perceived by others as traits that you also possess.”
Embrace your imperfections as a way of validating others.
“Being transparent about a select number of vulnerabilities makes you more relatable, self-aware, and encourages real human connection. It’s an indirect, diplomatic way of pointing out the faults in others without calling them out. And can actually be more effective in encouraging people to improve instead of calling them out.“
No one likes someone who can’t relax.
“Being able to poke fun at yourself comes across a lot more confidence and puts others at ease to be more themselves. People tend to remember you primarily according to how you make them feel. At the end of the day, people like to be around people who are fun to be around.”
Full video:
@raquelolsson things that make you less likeable than you think! part 1 🤖🥴 #advice #learnontiktok #tiktokpartner
And some comments for Raquel, so you don’t feel like you’re the only one:
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